


'till you reach the other side.

by bluepaladiiin



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Mid-Credits Scene, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, M/M, Mostly...not really that platonic, Platonic Soulmates, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Steve Feels, because really - how is steve not more emotional about bucky going into cryo?, the affection that the mid-credits scene lacked
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 04:19:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6784921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluepaladiiin/pseuds/bluepaladiiin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It won't be forever," Bucky murmured.</p><p>"It's going to feel like it," Steve said.</p><p>- - - -</p><p>How the mid-credits scene should have played out (with affection, and long-ago used goodbyes.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	'till you reach the other side.

**Author's Note:**

> Based off this headcanon: http://gayswingbabies.tumblr.com/post/143941646983/how-the-post-credit-scene-shouldve-played-out 
> 
> Because although the movie was filled with small moments between Bucky and Steve, the mid-credits scene found itself lacking in regards to emotions. 
> 
> Title taken from Mercury by Sleeping At Last.

Steve felt like he was the one falling this time. Somehow, that made him feel guiltier. He knew he was being selfish with his _want want want_. But with Bucky just in front of him, dressed in white like the avenging angel who would come for him when he got beat up in a Brooklyn alleyway, it was hard to put a stop to his thoughts. Bucky came back to him a mere week ago, and already he was choosing to leave Steve again, like the pain they both felt would be resolved if they were separated from each other.

Steve kept thinking this would only make it worse, and he had no idea what Bucky thought. Bucky had become this indecipherable man, long tufts of hair and sunken eyes, with traces of a long-disused smile hidden away at the corners of his lips.

Bucky and Steve waited in front of each other, a meter of distance in between them. T’challa stood outside the room, giving them their privacy. Or as much as they could get with doctors hurrying about them, their data-reciting fading away to radio chatter. Steve hoped they would keep talking and would forget about putting Bucky back in the cryogenic stasis so that they could explore Wakanda with little inhibitions, worries at the back of their minds.

Immediately, Steve felt bad. How could he stand in front of Bucky and promise him he wanted the best for him when all he wanted was for the both of them to be together? Even if it meant facing the pain that would come from the aftershocks of fighting a murderous Tony, or even grieving over the loss of Bucky’s metal arm?

“You’re thinking too hard,” Bucky said.

“What?” Steve blinked, a slow flutter of eyelashes. He hadn’t realised he was staring at the floor, but now he brought his gaze up.

Bucky sighed, securing a stray strand of hair behind his ear. Steve’s fingers twitched at that, but he balled his hand into a fist to keep from doing something stupid. “You have that look.”

“What look?”

“That one. The furrowed brows and the half-scowl,” Bucky shrugged, acting nonchalant. Like Bucky knowing how Steve looked like when he was lost in thought didn’t reveal a primal instinct in Steve that shouted _want want want._

“I don’t do that.”

“Yeah, you do. You were doing it just now.”

“No, I wasn’t.”

“Yes. You were.”

Steve huffed out a weak laugh, shook his head once and let it fall to his chest as he looked down at the floor. Bucky’s feet softly swung from where he hung them, the examination bed just tall enough that he couldn’t touch the floor when he sat up. His lips were pulled up into the traces of a smile. It made something innocent lodge in Steve’s throat, threatening to spill out onto the space between them.

“I’ll miss you,” it seemed, to Steve, that the threat of doing something stupid was very real.

Bucky’s eyes widened for a moment, no more than a second, but it was enough for Steve to catch and want to punch himself for being so reckless. Sure, Bucky had a lot of his memories back and was working on the rest. He allowed for little fleeting touches and reassuring glances to be passed between them like small notes, but that was it. To actually say words in those notes would pertain showing the honest, raw emotions bottled inside of Steve. And that was dangerous territory. Bucky hadn’t reacted well to it in the past, and he hadn’t meant to push farther than what he was comfortable with. It simply slipped out.

“I mean,” Steve amended, “It’ll be quiet without you around. T’challa may be a diplomat, but even he can be silent for hours.”

Bucky stared at him, eyes roaming all over Steve’s face. “I’ll miss you too, you know.”

A painful thud in his chest, and Steve felt sure his heart had died. He thought that if he ran too fast, or wasn’t careful enough, he would feel it rattling around his chest.

“It isn’t an easy decision for me,” Bucky said, slow and hesitant, “But I think it’s the best one I could make. For you, for me, and for all the people I could drag through the muck with me.”

“You’re doing this for everyone,” Steve said.

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Bucky smiled another small smile. Again, it didn’t reach his eyes, “Steve, the last time I thought about doing something that was good for everyone, hell, the last time I even had a decision this big to make by myself was back in 1942. Maybe it's not what I had in mind, but when have our lives been one big, happy land of sunshine?”

Steve’s lips curved up, “Probably the first second of our lives, after that, it might as well have all gone downhill.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows in an expression akin to ‘you see?’

Steve nodded in agreement.

A doctor crept her way around them, steps hushed as she interrupted their short reprieve. “Mr Barnes, the cryochamber is fully functional. We are ready when you are.”

Bucky took a deep breath, rubbing his hands over his thighs. He glanced up at Steve for a second, eyes small and curved downward. Steve placed his hand on Bucky’s shoulder, squeezing where shoulder met neck, and feeling the little shudder that passed through both of them.

“This isn’t forever,” Bucky murmured.

“It’s going to feel like it,” Steve said.

Bucky’s eyes tightened, and he raised his arm up to pull Steve down with him. Steve wrapped his arms around the small of Bucky’s back, pulling him close against him. He hid his face in Bucky’s neck, eyes squeezed tight to prevent tears from leaking. This was not how their goodbye was supposed to go. They weren’t supposed to have final goodbyes; if they didn’t get one when one of them thought the other was dead, then they sure as hell weren’t having one now.

Bucky’s breaths came ragged beside Steve’s ear; he listened to every catch of air in Bucky’s throat. Steve could feel Bucky’s throat bobbing, swallowing past what he knew was a lump.

“God, I’ll miss you,” Steve whispered into Bucky’s skin. He wanted to tattoo it with every single _want want want_ that coursed through his blood.

Bucky nodded, running a shaking hand through Steve’s hair.

“I love you,” Steve continued, “Don’t you forget when you come out.”

A choked laugh, “No way that’s happening.”

They let go of each other, faces pale and eyes redder than was considered appropriate. Appropriate stopped being important to them when they joined the army.

Bucky rose from the examination bed, bare feet slapping against the floor. He walked up to the chamber, steps shuffled but sure. Steve breathed deeply. Bucky was really going through with this. The next time they would see each other was unknown. But he would be here, and Steve could visit if he wanted.

He kept telling himself that every time Bucky took one step.

 _One._ Steve could visit.

 _Two._ They would both be alive.

 _Three_. T’challa would find a cure.

 _Four_. Bucky would remain in the same building.

 _Five._ People would take care of him.

_Six._

At six, Bucky was in front of the chameber, carefully avoiding Steve’s eyes. Steve didn’t let anything show on his face, lest he made it harder for both of them to let go. That’s what private quarters were for.

Bucky looked down, brows furrowed and a scowl set half in place. Steve almost laughed, but then Bucky said, “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.”

Steve’s heart dropped. He had to wait a second before he could say, “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky gave him a brilliantly maddening smile, “Punk.”

“Jerk,” Steve said, smiling back.

This time Steve pulled them into the hug, fingers digging into Bucky’s clothes. He pressed dry lips on Bucky’s neck, the only uncovered part he could reach. Bucky let go, a hand on Steve’s shoulder. It made Steve feel like he was sixteen again, in Brooklyn, a small boy and a bigger boy taking care of each other.

Bucky pulled his hand away, the warmth of his fingers lingering on Steve’s skin. He stepped into the chamber, breathing in deeply and closing his eyes. Steve’s hands were curled into fists to keep from running to Bucky, but staring at him, Steve realised that Bucky had also made his hand into a fist. He shook his head, understanding and resigned and still wanting what he couldn’t have.

The doctors sealed the chamber, ice crawling up the glass to hide most of Bucky’s body. Only his face was visible. Steve didn’t fail to notice how peaceful he looked.

Steve walked out of the room, not daring to give the chamber more attention than he already had. Walking past it, his nerves were already keen enough to tingle as he neared it, and then it was his back tingling when he finally made it past the chamber and out of the room. It would take some getting used to.

T’challa was waiting outside, arms at rest behind his back. He didn’t so much as glance at Steve, but gave him a nod of acknowledgement.

“Thank you for doing this,” Steve said, playing with his fingers. “It’s a great risk you’re taking. They could come here at any time.”

Steve and T’challa didn't need to clarify who ‘they’ were.

“Let them come.”


End file.
